i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
