i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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