By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
