im having a threesome with these popsicles
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
