Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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