if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
