Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
