I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
