So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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