remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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