I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
