So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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