Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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