I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
