I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
