ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
