ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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