You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
