I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize