You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
