do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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