Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
