And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
