i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
