R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
