Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
