Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
