I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
