So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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