I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
