i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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