she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
