You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
