I wish I could teleport
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
