you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
