You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
