Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
