Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
