It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
