Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
