pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
4 words: hood of his car
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
