New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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