Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
