I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
