I haven't been this sober since birth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
