Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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