When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
