hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you had me at cake vodka
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
