they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
