Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
third nipple confirmed
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
