i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
