totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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