8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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