I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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