WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
