he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
