Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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