At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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