Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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