He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
