i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
