I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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