and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
