I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
