Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
