When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
even my farts smell like vagina
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
