My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
