if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
