She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
