I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
