The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
