i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
