Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize